Zombie Mom

"But maybe every life looked beautiful if all you saw were the photo albums" -Liane Moriarty, What Alice Forgot

Posts tagged “momblogger

The 8 Most Annoying People on Social Media

Posted on October 22, 2017

In no specific order… The Googler. This person knows everything about everything. While charming and educational at first, this person will soon drive you nuts with their  need to make a comment about any and everything. While this person has no educational background, he or she still knows more than any doctor, rocket scientist, or philosopher. The “my baby is a genius” Mom. This person may or may not even have children, but their child can still talk in 10 different languages, do Olympic worthy gymnastic routines, and has already won the Nobel Prize at the age of two weeks. The Food Obsessor. This person’s phone camera only captures food, nothing else. There are a variety of meals that will leave you wondering how this person finds the time…

5 Reasons Why Oversupply is Nothing to be Jealous of

Posted on October 11, 2017

I have been through struggling to make enough milk with my second daughter (first that I breastfed for an extended period of time) and struggling to STOP making so much with my third baby. I have been that mom that WISHED for an oversupply, thinking that it would be so much better than making too much. Let me tell you, you do not want an oversupply. When I got pregnant with my second baby, I wasn’t supposed to be able to have any more children. I was in school full time, working full time, and stressed beyond belief when I found out that I was pregnant. I scheduled an induction date during a time where I was out of school, and returned to school…

5 Reasons you Should Never Agree to be Room Mom

Posted on October 10, 2017

Last year my daughter was in kindergarten at a small private school. I cried dropping her off on the first day, and most days after that. When I was asked to be room mom, I didn’t hesitate to say YES YES YES!! I’ll have relationships with other moms, I’ll get to be involved, I can trick people into thinking I’m a stay at home super mom, steal some of the Capri suns I brought for class parties…It will be great, or so I thought. Here are five reasons why you should never be Room Mom: Other moms are perfectly fine with you doing everything yourself. I didn’t understand the reality of dropping your kid off and going to the gym, but apparently it’s the most…

Mom Groups

Posted on October 9, 2017

High-res version

I guess you could say that I’m a bit of a “mom hater”. Not really, but I would pretty much rather be run over by a bus than be added to another mom group. For the most part, I feel like I’m a pretty good mom. My kids are fed, clothed, and half the time they even get to school and Parent’s Day Out on time. We may be pulling a Fast and the Furious, my six month old may or may not be clothed, and I may have used profanity on the drive to my daughter’s Christian Academy but it still counts. That is, I felt like I was a decent mom until I was added to mom groups on facebook.

Who came up with Mom Groups? It sounds like a good idea, right? A way to connect with other like minded people and schedule play dates. WRONG. Mom Groups were created by Satan himself as a platform to judge other moms on basically everything while saying phrases like “Do your thing, mama, it’s your baby.” If you look up the definition of “mom group” in the dictionary, there’s an actual photo of Hell. If you’re a working mom, you’re a shit mom. If you’re a stay at home mom, you have no life goals. Give me a break.

I once saw a post where a mom was mad as hell that the doctor didn’t call to explain why her daughter’s Potassium levels were on the “lower side of normal”. 1) Because they are STILL NORMAL. 2) Are you seriously telling me right now that you WANT something to be wrong with your child?….To make matters worse, the comments were from other moms who apparently have a medical degree insisting that something is wrong with her child and she should sue the hospital. As a Medical Laboratory Scientist who works with these values for a living, I felt the need to comment (which I RARELY do) to let this poor mama know that her child was not going to have a heart attack because of Potassium values that were within range.

Guess what happened to my comment? It got DELETED. I’m still a little bitter. Thankfully, though, I’m still part of other mom groups my facebook friends have so graciously added me to where I get read about women’s sex lives and make a list of the people my daughters will never have a play date with.

In case you are still curious as to if you should become a member of a mom group, I will spare you the trouble. Other post examples include but are not limited to: “My child’s temperature is 98.6, and she feels okay but she looks like she may cough…Should I call an ambulance”…”My child is two weeks old…Is it okay to give her chocolate milk?”…”I took my child to the doctor and he said it was Strep Throat but I don’t trust his advice even though I chose him as my pediatrician so I’m going to ask this group of 16 year olds for advice instead.” Still want to join? “Do your thing, mama, it’s your baby.”

Photo of my daughter in a unicorn costume has no relevance and no unicorns were harmed in the creation of this blog post