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5 Ways to Recognize Your Self Worth Even When the Situation is Less than Perfect

Motherhood

Can I just get real for a second? Being a mom isn’t “challenging”. It’s hard as hell sometimes. Recently we were put in a situation where we didn’t feel safe in our own home. Go figure, right? That’s the story of 2020 so far.

We have lived in a hotel for the past few days. I’m going through my own stuff, and trying to hold it together the best that I can for my kids. I had to tell my family about the cycle of abuse I’ve been put through that I’m still trying to figure out myself. It took me a long time to realize my worth, and I am extremely independent by nature. Admitting that I was in a situation where someone had any type of power on me wasn’t easy to say the least.

Why do people stay in situations where they are constantly put down, mentally abused, and maybe even physically abused? Because it’s a cycle. People who absuse others are master manipulators. I have found myself in relationships with people who are not good for my mental health several times, and I’ve been on the other side wondering why someone else didn’t just get themselves out of the situation.

1. One reason is that someone who is controlling and manipulating is an expert at making you doubt your self worth, which ends up making other people doubt your credibility. You find yourself having a reaction to the constant trauma that you have no idea you are even going through. If this person is so awful, why does everyone believe them? Everyone can’t be a narcissist so it has to be me, right? Maybe I did say that and I just don’t remember? Be so sure of who you are that no one can interfere with that.

2. Expectations will keep you in a bad situation longer than anything else will. Here’s why. Because when you expect someone to apologize and they ignore you, or belittle you more…you start to question the situation even more. You start to think that if things happened the way you remember them, there’s no way this person could react like that. Limit your expectations to yourself. You have to take care of your mind, and have a game plan for your goals.

3. Keeping someone in a constant state of confusion allows that person to keep control. If you’re in a situation where you start to see your worth or question of things are normal at home, this will anger the manipulator. They will devalue you, discard you, and possibly try and lift you up the next time they want something…but it’s not out of love or seeing that they were wrong. It’s just the beginning of the same cycle all over again. Realize who you are, so that no one else’s insecurities can make you question your worth.

4. Leaving is hard. Leaving with children is even harder. This can apply to friendships too. I feel like leaving is the hardest when that person will remain in your life in some way, shape or form and you question whether it’s worth it or not. I’m not saying that people can’t change, but they had to want to change for themselves. I like to think that I can fix everyone, and that everyone thinks the way that I do, but they don’t. Realize that you are enough. This situation may suck, but the words you are hearing from someone else are not something that you have to hear forever. The longer you stay, the harder it becomes and the more defeated you will feel.

5. It’s easier to control someone who is vulnerable and full of empathy. I’m a highly empathetic person. I connect to other people’s emotions, and I will genuinely cry with you. If you’re like me, it takes awhile to see all the red flags. But let me tell you, it’s hard. It’s even hard when you have a good job. It’s hard when you can support yourself because they will find a way to make it hard. Own your shit. Own it from the beginning so that you know what you did and didn’t do. Because owning your own shit doesn’t give someone else the right to piss all over you. It gives you the power to say enough is enough and fight like hell to become to person you were meant to be.

If you found this helpful, let me know! I’d be happy to answer any questions. Feel free to follow along for more tips!

-The Zombie Mom

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Newborn Photography Tips for Beginners from a Mom of Four

DIY, Lifestyle, Mom Life, Motherhood, Newborn, Photography, Work

At 19, I was a full time college student with an infant. Not working wasn’t an option for me, but I wanted to spend as much time as possible with my baby while finishing my education. My first camera was nothing special, but to me it was a huge investment. At first, I really just wanted something better than my phone to capture photos of my baby and I justified the purchase with the fact that I wouldn’t have to pay to get professional photos quite as often. I had no idea the amount of work that went into planning, editing, responding to emails, and of course actually shooting sessions.

My photography business was successful and I have learned so much about posing, lighting, marketing, etc. One of the most important lessons that I learned as a mother (a frugal one at that) is that you don’t always have to purchase the most expensive props. While I definitely believe that investing in newborn props, camera equipment, fancy dresses for unicorn sessions, providing dresses for Well Dressed Wolf or tea party sessions, etc. is important…the greatest lesson that I learned is that you have to get started. The props and equipment will not magically create the perfect photo. You have to put in the work. You have to constantly produce new content and see what people respond to. I’ve found that most of the time the photo that I choose for a sneak peek, meaning that it is the photo I am the most excited about, is rarely the photo the family posts on social media once they receive their completed gallery.

I photograph everything from newborns to weddings. I even did a newborn puppy shoot for our dog, but it took YEARS to figure out what I really wanted to capture. It took time to feel confident in my work. I want to share a few tips with you and in this post I am going to talk about a few aspects of newborn photography.

First of all, as a mom I now understand how stressful it can be to reach out to a photographer in the first place. Photos are so important to me, and I always have a vision in mind. You want to establish a relationship with your client and let them know that although you know what you are doing, you want them to come out of the experience with the photos that they want. I let clients know that I have tons of props and outfits; all they need to bring is a baby; however, they are welcome to bring anything additional that they would like to incorporate. Another tip when planning is to either share a idea board or have them send you photos that they like. I do not try to replicate photos; however, it is good to have a sense of what they are looking for.

Honestly, the best time to book a newborn session is a couple of months into your pregnancy. Many photographers book months in advance and we can plan around your due date. Obviously, this isn’t always an option, but planning a newborn session takes time. After years, I do have several prop and outfit options but I try to personalize sessions as much as possible. Putting colors together, having outfits that will fit baby, and having backup options are all important. I don’t want to waste valuable time that could be spent posing trying to find something that I could have laid out before the client gets there.

When should you shoot a newborn session? Newborns are easiest to pose and at their sleepiest state during the first two weeks of life. Babies have a mind of their own, and I am well aware of pregnancy and postpartum complications after four babies. Sometimes this cannot happen, but be prepared to spend extra time with a baby that is older than two weeks. Certain poses really must be done within the first two weeks. Be patient. Have an idea of what shots you want to get before starting the session.

Must have props: From my experience, I use stretchy cheese cloth or jersey knit wraps almost every session. There are so many ways that you can wrap a baby and using different colors and materials can add variety to your photos without spending alot of money. Basket stuffers, posing pillows, headbands/bows, knit outfits, and flowers are also some go to props of mine. I use a bobby lounger for posing still even though I have posing pillows specifically for photos. This makes the baby feel as if they are being held and has worked wonders for me.

I usually have some type of background noise, and a small heater handy if the baby will be naked for a period of time during posing. 

Lighting: Natural lighting is a must for newborn photos. I do have studio lights that I use for many sessions, but with newborns I typically just use a good source of natural lighting. Keep in mind that newborn sessions can take hours when planning your session around daylight hours.

Make the parents feel comfortable. If mama is stressed, baby can feel that. Let the parents know that you have this under control and although it may take some time to get the images that you desire, there is no need to stress. Having a baby takes alot out of you, and I know that I was so upset right after having my daughter thinking about the fact that I may not get all of the photos that I dreamed of. Being able to relate to your client will set you apart and develop a relationship for years to come!

Thank you for reading! I hope you found these tips helpful! I will be posting more, so feel free to follow along and contact me with any questions you have and what you’d like to see next.

-The Zombie Mom

How to Make an Escape Room…Laboratory Style

DIY, Motherhood, Work

Hey guys!

Sorry this has taken me longer to get to than I originally planned, but I hope that you find the information useful. I am attaching a link to my youtube video (first video…sorry I’m awkward) and I will list the steps that I took here as well.

If you work in a lab, you know that lab week is one of the only times we truly feel recognized for what we do. I look forward to lab week every year. With a global pandemic, obviously things have to change. We weren’t going to have food brought to us, we couldn’t have a potluck, and the normal games weren’t an option. I think this year we needed something fun more than ever, which required us to get creative.

 

 

Our shift has done an escape room outside of work more than once. We love them! Escape Rooms are such a great way to promote critical thinking and teamwork.

As a homeschooling mom, I love anything that helps my kids think outside of the box, so I am planning to create something similar for my daughter to help reinforce multiplication facts over the summer.

If you have ever done an escape room, you know that there is a basic storyline and theme.

The best advice I can give you is to stick to your theme.

Do not try to incorporate too much or you will get overwhelmed. In our case, we used Mother Goose nursery rhymes and all clues incorporated a story or character. For example, the first clue tubed down mentioned a Dr. Wolfe (in reference to the Big Bad Wolf). We tubed this down the tube station and then walked down to let our coworkers know what was going on.

The storyline mentioned a patient of Dr. Wolfe’s who turned out to be Humpty Dumpty, and the techs had to work together to figure out what happened with the patient.

We set this up in a way that everyone would have to figure out a strategy together, but they could do this while working since clues were hidden in each department. We tried to utilize clipboards that the techs would look at during specific times (while performing maintenance for example). We placed a logic puzzle on a clipboard in chemistry that would serve as the code for the final combination. Another clue utilized was a pigpen cypher, which was hidden inside of one of the tubes found.

I started thinking of riddles such as

“Mary had a little lamb, its’ fleece was white as snow. Please make sure to run your high control before your low.”

For this particular riddle, this led the tech in Urinalysis to look in the control boxes.

Another riddle used was

“Jack be nimble, Jack be quick. Jack checked for clots with a stir stick.”

For this clue, a tube was hidden inside a box of wooden sticks in Hematology. 

We hid clues in all departments, and the goal was to find all four tubes, which would spell out BANK. Obviously these were blood tubes, so the techs knew to look in blood bank. Once in blood bank, they looked for anything out of place. We place a Mother Goose book on the shelf with procedure manuals, and they used the table of contents along with a Logic Puzzle to crack the final code.

I suggest having a few extra clues, because things will likely not go as planned. In our case, one of our “big clues” was that one of the hidden tubes was tracked. Some of the clues led to a specimen ID where they would find the hidden tube, but one of the techs found this before pricing together the specimen ID. This was no big deal, but I’d suggest having a few extra clues just in case something like this happens.

The final step was to open the locker of the person who helped Humpty Dumpty. The techs solved three math problems to figure out the locker combination. Once they opened the locker, they found a note revealing that they had escaped.

 

If you have any questions, please feel free to comment. Fill out the contact form and follow, and I will send the templates your way :). These can be easily tweaked for a different theme. Thanks for reading!